Fits and starts

I can't believe it's been this long since I last posted. But there hasn't been much to report. It's amazing how the weather can affect my productivity and enthusiasm. But when there is a big shift from hot to cool, or the other way around, I tend to loose momentum and focus. But this is a lesson well learned. When you're running your own business you have to recognize your personal rhythms and work with them productively.

I’m still trying to figure out how to target and market my services. I sometimes feel that I’m just stalling by continuing to research and read my reference books instead of taking direct action, but I need to know more. I think I read somewhere that moving ahead slowly and cautiously is better for longevity. I know I keep referencing the book How to Make a Living without a Job, but the more I read it the more confident I feel because I see my fears and failings in its pages and it gives me hope to keep going.

It’s difficult to start a business in a vacuum, with no support from people who have experience doing what you’re trying to do. I turn to books, but that may not be the best choice, at least for me. I get energy from people, and having another person available to bounce ideas off and get insight from works for me. But when I sit in my office alone, feeling cut off from the real world, it’s hard to believe that what you dream is viable. My mind tells me “Other people can do this, but not you. What do you know? Look at the competition, look how professional they are, how successful they are, you’ll never get there because you don’t know what you’re doing.” It doesn’t seem to matter to my mind that I have years of experience, good skills and abilities. It’s one of those battles with the “inner child”, with the “parent’s voice from the past” that tells you you’ll never be good enough. You’d think that when you reach a certain age that you’d be past all that, but apparently not. And quite frankly I’m sick of it. I want what I want and I want to have a chance to succeed or fail. As they say “you only fail if you don’t try.” And I believe that’s true. So I have no choice but to plug along, trip and pick myself up, dust myself off and keep going until I get there.

Here’s to perseverance and hope.